You want villains? Buckle up. The REI “industry” is a circus where the clowns run the tent, and everyone’s too busy selling popcorn to notice the fire. Let’s break it down:

1. The Guru Grifters:

These LinkedIn “mentors” charging $5k to teach you how to “house hack your way to freedom”… while they’re Zooming from their mom’s basement. “Just buy my course! BRRRR, bro!” Meanwhile, their “portfolio” is three over-leveraged Airbnbs in a town with a 90% vacancy rate. You’re not a student, you’re their exit strategy.

2. The Newbie Naivety Brigade:

Yes, you. The one who watched a YouTube video titled “Get Rich with No Money Down (While You Sleep!)” and thought, “Hell yeah, I’ll wire $10k to a guru named ‘Cashflow King’ who uses a stock photo of a Lambo!” You bought the dream, skipped the math, and now you’re crying because your “turnkey rental” is a mold-infested meth lab in Ohio. Google is free. Due diligence is not optional.

3. Wholesalers: The Bottom-Feeders

The industry told you wholesaling was the “easiest way to start.” Congrats! You’re now one of 47,000 desperate rookies spamming “I BUY HOUSES CASH!!” on Facebook Marketplace. You’re offering 10k over asking for a burnt out shack because some guru said, “deals are every where!”

∗∗∗Spoiler:∗∗

The only deal here is the guru selling you a 2k “mastermind” to learn how to spam harder.

4. Hard Money Lenders: The Loan Sharks in Blazers

These guys used to fund deals. Now they fund delusions. “Credit score? Better be good. ARV? Just guess! We’ll lend you 110% of a number you made up if you bring 40% to the table with 30% liquid upfront!” You’re not getting a loan, you’re getting a divorce from reality. Their business model? “Hope the market goes up before you implode and knowing you care about that credit score.”

The Punchline?

Everyone’s guilty. The gurus for peddling hopium (new word I learned a few days ago). The newbies for being lazy. The wholesalers for inflating a bubble of garbage deals. The lenders for treating your “business plan” like a Mad Libs.

But here’s the truth: This isn’t an “industry.” It’s a MLM scheme disguised as capitalism. The only ones winning? The grifters selling shovels during a gold rush where the gold is made of TikTok views.

So stop blaming. Start learning.

Or keep buying courses. Your funeral.

(Drops mic. Walks offstage. Orders a whiskey.)